Portland, OR

I'm getting bad at updating this.  You might think it's because I'm too busy to update but that would be giving me too much credit.  I've managed to watch A Walk on the Moon, 2 episodes of Survivor, School Ties, Harold and Maude, Intolerable Cruelty, Antoine Dodson's song (I forgot how good it makes me feel) and every Disney movie opening via YouTube instead of updating my blog.  Bad Ali.  I'm going to do better.

I visited Portland 2 weeks ago, my first time returning since I left after living there for a year.  I had a wonderful weekend and wrote a really sappy diatribe about it on the plane ride home--which I won't relay here, though maybe give the gist.  By the way, I realize this blog about 'Ali in Cali' has only 2 of 7 entries about California right now.  Oopsies.  Well, I never said I played it safe.  Or whatever.  The act of traveling somehow makes my life seem more interesting even though mostly what I did in Portland was get drunk and sit on various couches.

Firstly, Portland has the best airport in the world.  You step out of the terminal and the air is the cleanest you've ever smelled.  The weather isn't the "best"--cloudy/rainy--but it is perfect against the scenery.

MAGICAL

This was my favorite thing about being in Portland.  The pine trees, hills and rivers made me feel like I was living in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon...or some less Asian equivalent.  I suppose Twilight is a more apropos comparison because as we know, I really love Twilight and Robert Pattinson.  In general, it was a beautiful backdrop for a very odd and confusing time in my post-college life. 


Here's my non-favorite thing about Portland.  The 'artists' and all the stupid 'art' they do.  For instance.  This instillation at a gallery we passed by on the way to a bar.  The paintings on the walls are celebrities served on dinner platters/in deadly poses while these babies hung from the ceiling. Man, these artists really are good for a laugh!  

WTF

My ex-roommate (but not ex-friend!!!!) Danny took me to a small Asian seafood market to get oysters, and because I love seafood more than anything except Mac and Cheese (had to make that clear) this was maybe the highlight of the trip.

Live Crabs! Grosssss. Kewllll.

Oysters that we shucked ourselves. Are you salivating or vomiting right now??

On the plane ride back I listened to my "Portland" playlist on my Apple Ipod (obligatory Jobs shout-out) to bring back all da memories. Memories about driving to my internship across the Fremont bridge where you can see the whole city and the Willamette River and the valley beyond.  And hiking in the hills and getting caught in the rain when going for a run and having to stand in the church doorway until it let up.

Here's the end of what I wrote on the plane, in case things haven't gotten gay enough for you yet:

I don’t even recognize the scenery I’m flying over yet--California is still new and I’m barely a resident.  Soon this Portland playlist will stop and I'll be at the airport where my roommates are picking me up. I think my favorite thing to do is go over and over memories, sort out their meaning and just stew in the pangs of nostalgia.  But then I remember how excited I’ve felt about being in California and how elated I am when I go to lecture and see the possibilies for my future.  I know the latter should seem like the better feeling, but no matter how good things seem in the present I think I’ll always want to listen to music that makes me think about places and people in my life, feeling sad in a good way, and dreaming up a past that is sort of like the one that happened.

I hope you all are crying.

You could write these people INTO A SCREENPLAY

Screenwriting classes have been a damn dream thus far, HOWEVER there are a few individuals in lecture who I...sort of hate.  Well, really hate. And yet, I am endlessly amused by them! It's like you could write them into a MOVIE! Pretty meta, eh?? 


Not Aziz Ansari
Probably the most noticeable is Not Aziz Ansari, the either half-mexican or half-indian guy who always sits in the middle of the 4th row. Basically, he looks like Aziz. He is a lifetime member of the peanut gallery who makes hilarious side comments like 'oh hell no', 'he didn't go there' and 'he did go there!'  My favorite comment was two weeks ago, when the professor made an allusion to sex--I believe the quote was "I'm not going to make YOU howl".  The whole class chuckled but NAA laughed over everyone, loudly saying "that was classic!" It was extremely awkward, and the class went silent.  Except for me. I was in tears from that comment. The guy is amazing.


(Sidenote: Why are these paragraph breaks so damn big? Dumb blog.)
I made the mistake (or maybe I did it on purpose?) of sitting next to NAA, who immediately stuck his hand in my face and introduced himself to me.  I immediately forgot his name, because his name is Not Aziz Ansari.  I also made the mistake of taking out my pack of gum.  He latched on to the opportunity.


"Hey, wanna be a friend?"


I thought he had said "Are you being a friend?" in response to me putting gum in my own mouth.


"Oh, yeah...you know, Taco Bell.  I don't want to punish the class."


"No.  You wanna be a friend?"  He was asking for a piece. Obviously.  It was my last piece, but how 
could I say no to a comedian?


Things might have gotten better with him were I not also distracted by: 


New York Guy
Who I was also sitting next to.  We all know this guy.  At first I thought he was totes cute!  But disappointment followed.  He commented to a girl in front of us, who was reading "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close" by Jonathan Safran Foer.  
"I thought that book was pretty good." 
Isn't it bad enough you needed to comment on a book someone else is quietly reading? Then you NEED to let everyone else know you read it? And NEED to put your passive aggressive stamp of non-approval on it too?  Christ on a cracker!


But as someone who loves douches and loves confrontation, I wanted to see just how douchey he had the potential to be.


"Why was is only pretty good?"


"I just found it to be insensitive."


"To who?"


"Well, see I'm from NEW YORK.  And the book is about 9/11 and as a person from NEW YORK I felt it was exploitative."  


Ugh.  He was right.  He knew everything. I had nothing to say back.  Except...I did! I knew some things about exploiting 9/11 too!


"Did you see that movie Remember Me? It did sort of the same thing."


"Was that the one with Pierce Brosnan?"


"Yeah, and the Twilight guy."


"Robert Pattinson?  Please, don't act like you don't know his name."


SHUT UP RETARD I FUCKING FORGOT HIS NAME FOR A SECOND.  CLEARLY I LOVE TWILIGHT AND YOU READ JONATHAN SAFRAN FOER AND YOU ARE FROM NEW YORK AND I MUST BE FROM STUPID NON NEW YORK SO WHY AREN'T I SUCKING YOUR DICK RIGHT NOW? WHILE I READ TWILIGHT I MEAN!!


Didn't say that, but should have.  Later in class, our professor said "I didn't want to follow story structure because I thought I was too interesting for story structure...because being from New York, I used to think I was too interesting for anything."  And New York guy?  Laughed and clapped and nodded his head vigorously, so all of us around him would know that He Knows What The Prof is Talkin' Bout!! cause HE'S FROM NEW YORK! THE ONLY PLACE WHERE PEOPLE HAVE CHARACTERISTICS!


Sadly, I feel like my conversations with film guys usually go like that.


Lastly is 


Guy who name drops popular movies


This guy is nowhere as bad as NY guy, and means perfectly well.  He very hilariously brings up popular movie titles as if they were some foreign filmmaker's early career screen test.   He'll be like:
"That reminds me of this film, I don't know if you all have seen it..."American Beauty"...it's 
really quite good."  


or


"You know, I just saw this great movie last week..."Saving Private Ryan"...just incredible."


God Bless you, GWNDPM


Here's hoping I can make some friends, and not just want to stab everyone.
Til next time.

California

Greetings from the Sunshine/Hollywood/Golden/Things growing a lot State!! I forget which one of those is the real one.  After 2 weeks, it's probably about time I post something about this place I've just moved to.

Arriving in California, and I forgot to play a song with "California" in the title. Idiot!

Venice Beach!!! Ya'll ever hear of that one??

After my first night of a mild meltdown, (It takes HOW long to drive on a freeway? You CAN'T just swim in the pacific any time you want?  How much is my rent again?) week one in Los Angeles has mostly consisted of me dropping my jaw every time I walk outside and wanting to kiss the ground everyday because I'LL NEVER BE COLD AGAIN. Look forward to my bitching about all temperatures below 50. It's who I am now guys! Just let me be me. So-Cal Al (tm).

I am essentially living on the UCLA campus which is a very painless way of easing into living here, but also very bizarre. For instance, I'm buying printer cartridges at the campus store, and buying stamps at the student union..?  It doesn't feel right.  It is amusing to watch all the freshman couples in front of their dorms and student organizers yelling at everyone to join different activities, because, they're living it up now, but they're going to be just as fucked as the rest of us when they graduate! Soon they'll know what it is to crumble into tears because you can't get hired at a minimum wage job. I feel like telling every student this every day.  Do you think they would appreciate it??

I am living with 5 girls who are perhaps the nicest girls I've ever met, so you can shove it, everyone who said only Courtney Stodden-types live here! And I thought all stereotypes were true!

Speaking of, everyone who hasn't yet should watch the best song ever. 

Lastly, I am sharing a room again for the first time since studying abroad and it is not at all bad!  Except for my roommate's very unique but terrifying "toast pillow" that scares the shit out of me every night.

I swear I own other clothes besides this shirt.

So Nathalie, if you read this, I love the pillow, I just might turn it around at nights. Sorry for exploiting Toasty on the web. I'll take this down if you want.  

Til' next blog!