I'M BACK + Completely Free Coffee Training Manual

I know, I know. This blog has taken a very decisive nose dive in the last few weeks.  I haven't updated and anyone (I mean, the millions) who have gone to this website recently see a post about me not making my bed. Very sorry about that. Despite that post, I actually have been doing things with myself in my two months since moving to Los Angeles and I will do a better job to convey them here. 

I have two jobs to support my rent and living (drinking). One of them is being a barista (I AM NOT TRYING TO BRAG HERE IT WAS A VERY HARD JOB TO GET), which I only do one/two days a week because it takes me out of Westwood all the way to West Hollywood, so I can feel like I live in LA and not just UCLA fantasy camp. I enjoy this job because I open the shop at 6am and for the most part serve the coffee by myself; thus I feel very big and important and independent.

Welcome to my shop! As one of several baristas, I think I can call it my own!

Unexpectedly, this job came in handy when my lovely friend Nora called me from NYC asking if I could tell her some things about being a barista so she could apply for a barista job, as she too is going to Writing School and let's face it, all writers should be baristas. Right? Makes sense to me.

Long story short, I ended up writing a mini-manual.  In the end, her barista interview turned out to be delivering crepes for a Russian mobster (sooo NYC), and while she DID see Jake Gyllenhaal run into the store (HOMINAHOMINAstoryforadifferentblogwriteitNora), that barista job was not to be. 

HOWEVER, she reassured me that my manual was very helpful and should be published somewhere for others to see. So for the Unemployed and Underpaid who are desperately needing Any Job They Can Get, don't say I never did anything for you:

Just thought we needed a quick picture break

MY BARISTA TRAINING MANUAL

Welcome New Barista!  This is your training manual.  In it you will find the most helpful and fast steps to becoming your city’s best provider of coffee and other caffeinated (an non caffeinated beverages).  I’ll see you at the top!

First thing’s first! 

Coffee! The most simple thing to provide, and also the most frequently ordered.  Can you believe how many people just want a simple cup of coffee in the mornings? Every time a customer orders a tall coffee, you silently thank them because all you have to do is push on a carafe and watch the coffee come out into a cup. Can you believe you are getting paid for this? What a cool job!

The only trick to serving coffee is to NOT RUN OUT.  Always make sure there is a backup carafe and to keep that backup full as much as you can.  If someone wants Decaf, well then pour the damn Decaf.  Sometimes people will ask for a half-and-half, or a Half-Caf.  This might throw you off until you remember your logic. In that case, dear barista-in-training--you will pour half coffee and half decaf into a cup. WHAT A CONCEPT, EH?

Next up is the world of Espresso.  Not quite as easy as pushing the coffee carafe.  Every time a customer orders an Espresso drink, you may not feel as warmly towards them. Resist the urge, barista-in-training, to show any signs of discomfort or pain. Remember--if you can do this, you can do it all.

Your place of work should have a. an espresso grinder b. a tamper c. portafilter and d. the machine itself

If I could draw pictures on here I would, but I can’t, because this is basically a Word Document. So I’m going to direct you to this link

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-an-Espresso-(Espresso-Machine-Coffee)

Start the video at step 3 (ignore the stuff about adding water and grinding.  Your coffee shop’s machines should do that all on its own unless it’s the poorest coffee shop on the planet. In this case try looking elsewhere for work.) and you should get the general idea of how to make a shot of espresso.

Now--THE NITTY GRITY:

If someone orders a double latte, they want two shots of espresso with steamed milk.  Double nonfat latte= two shots of espresso with nonfat milk.  Single soy latte= one shot of espresso with steamed soy milk. Always pour the espresso first, then the milk. Someday you may pour the milk so well that you get fancy shapes! Don't think I can't see you smiling about this!

STEAMING MILK:  Pour milk into a metal container-cup (35% up for a single, 50% up for a double. THESE ARE GUESTIMATIONS SEE WHAT YOUR TRAINER SAYS DON’T BLAME ME IF YOU GET FIRED) Then stick the steaming wand into the cup and turn the steaming knob on.  Milk is ready when the metal container becomes almost too hot to touch.  Almost meaning, don’t burn your hand.  To make Cappuccinos, do the same as Lattes but use more FOAM than steamed milk.

To make FOAM, steam the milk and “Stretch” it by pulling the wand out slowly, so it bubbles at the top of the milk.  Honestly, just Youtube ‘stretching steamed milk’ or ‘making foam’ to see it. Sort of hard to explain here.

Did you get all that?  It’s a lot, I know--and I kind of came at you real fast, but the great news is: you now know how to do about 90% of barista duties.

Let’s kick it into overdrive! 

Other drinks include:

Cafe Au Lait: Half Coffee, half steamed milk.  What? You already know HOW to steam milk! Great job!

Macchiato: A little bit of foam on top of a shot of espresso (a double macchiato would be foam on top of 2 shots. right??)

Mocha: A latte with cocoa powder or chocolate syrup at the bottom of the cup. Chocolate goes in first!  If its vanilla syrup, why then its a Vanilla latte! You know so FREAKING MUCH YOU AWESOME BARISTA!

Americano: Espresso and hot water. It’s sort of like coffee but not, right?  Only trick here it to pour the water first.  Otherwise the espresso shots burn the bottom of the (paper) coffee cup. Or something. I don’t know. Maybe that’s an old wive's tale. It’s what someone told me once. I think it tastes better that way. Just do it.

Hot Tea: Stick a goddamned tea bag in some mothafuckin water dumb dumb!

Tea latte: Stick a mothafuckin tea bag in half a thing of water and pour some steamed milk into that biznas, you hot bitch!

If someone orders an Iced latte, you hug and kiss them because you don't have to steam the milk!! They have just given you the gift of doing a simple task: Ice in a cup, espresso, and cold milk from the carton.  If its an Iced Chai, bless their heart, all you have to do it pour cold milk and chai concentrate in a cup over ice. BLESS THOSE LITTLE DEARS they are making your job simple! You are getting paid for POURING LIQUIDS INTO CUPS!

The hardest thing is whipping out espresso shots for multiple orders, because you have to pull the espresso out, press it with the tamper, lock it into the machine and wait while it pours, all while a customer just sits there waiting for you, wondering why you aren’t a magician who makes their latte appear instantly.  But once you get into a rhythm it’s no big deal. And then you steam the milk while the espresso pours!

Well Barista trainee, there you have it.  You are on your way to becoming CEO of Starbucks.  

Any more questions contact me or just call me because this isn’t a real training manual its an email and I am your friend.

GOOD LUCK!

Ali

You before manual: lost and confused and not knowing what coffee is.

You after manual: confident and holding a coffee cup like this.

The Terrible Things That Happen When I Don't Make my Bed.

It is 9pm Pacific Time on a Friday night and I've come to a terrifying realization. I don't...believe I've done anything today.  In fact, I would go as far to say I've done...nothing today.  I wish I had the nerve shrug my shoulders and carelessly chant that Bruno Mars song (I despise that song so, so very much) but the terrible difference is I DID feel like doing something today, I just shot myself in the foot at 11:30am.

I had some serious plans for the day which at least included going for a run and working on my screenplay, if not changing the world or in some way bettering myself and others around me. Above all, these plans included NOT stealing my roommate's cookies because I am so hungry and too lazy to make anything myself.  Fat chance on ALL OF THOSE.

I have one thing to blame for this and it is my bed.  I have a little motto of inspiration for my daily life and it goes like this: "If I can make my bed, I can do anything today!" I haven't told anyone about this motto, but I'm telling you all now because I really think it is the only way I can get anything done.  Here's why: when the bed sits there unmade, there is always the option of curling back into it and giving up on everything.  When the bed is made, only success is possible.

At 11:30am I started to make my bed.  Until this point I had slept in, made breakfast and had a phone conversation with a friend I hadn't talked to in awhile. Fair. Acceptable.  Despite the fact that it was raining and in LA, rain is akin to a Category 4 hurricane, I was ready to face the rain once I made my bed. It is a small twin bed.  Making it is not much of a project.  It is merely a necessary step to move my day forward.  And then...this happened:

11:32am: Straighten bottom sheet and tuck the corners in.

11:32 Receive a text message.

11:33 Pull comforter halfway over bed.

11:33 Receive phone alert of emails.

11:34 Goodbye to all hopes and dreams.

A few emails needed to be attended to, but none of them in any way were playing a huge part in my larger life. But they did take me away from the bed and to the black hole of motivation. I mean, the internet. I believe there was something about negotiating a work shift over Christmas because I'll be on the West Coast by myself for Christmas for the 3rd year in a row (thanks so much JOBS and also, BEING JEWISH). But after that..?  I think maybe I was helping a friend with a problem? Or maybe I looked at my bank statement 8 times to figure out if I was ok or needed to panic?

I think I talked to my friends, I think probably about important things but could I have done that for 9 and a half hours??  I believe I spent time making a Facebook album because I had not posted any pictures of my California life yet, and just wanted to get it over with.  None of this is justification by the way, just terrible, terrible evidence of myself my generation and the things I we do to avoid real honest work. (Phew! Hopefully I can pin this day of failure on others too!)

After that, it was a blur.  I know around 3:45pm I went to my bed to finish making it, and then my friend called me to tell me she had just seen Conan on the street.  And this distraction again took me away from my bed.  My poor bed must have been screaming at me to be made so that I in turn could MAKE something of myself, but it was all over from that point on.

I accompanied my roommate to Chipotle for dinner.  This, I suppose is an active action requiring more effort than typing keys.  Maybe it counts for something.  And even that took effort on my part when she asked me. No..I wanted to say...my chair will be lonely.  The internet will be lonely.  I don't even have a bra on.  How am I still undressed?? There's probably no hope left. Chipotle? Blech. Internet. Only THE INTERNET. But I mustered up an ounce of self esteem. I didn't want her to go by herself, and it saved me from more impending food stealing from my roommates.  Hooray for me.  I returned around 7:30pm, and began to despair for how late it was.  It was too late to go for a run.  Besides, I had just eaten.  I had to comfort my sorrow with the internet.  Maybe a hilarious video? And then, somehow it was 9pm.  WHAT JUST HAPPENED? How is it dark out?  Will I ever succeed at anything in this life?

There was only one thing to do at 9:07pm, to save this lost day, to give me any hopes of going forward towards my goals and making my family proud of me. I think we all know what it was.

"Tomorrow is another day!"--Scarlett O'Hara, Gone With the Wind.

Portland, OR

I'm getting bad at updating this.  You might think it's because I'm too busy to update but that would be giving me too much credit.  I've managed to watch A Walk on the Moon, 2 episodes of Survivor, School Ties, Harold and Maude, Intolerable Cruelty, Antoine Dodson's song (I forgot how good it makes me feel) and every Disney movie opening via YouTube instead of updating my blog.  Bad Ali.  I'm going to do better.

I visited Portland 2 weeks ago, my first time returning since I left after living there for a year.  I had a wonderful weekend and wrote a really sappy diatribe about it on the plane ride home--which I won't relay here, though maybe give the gist.  By the way, I realize this blog about 'Ali in Cali' has only 2 of 7 entries about California right now.  Oopsies.  Well, I never said I played it safe.  Or whatever.  The act of traveling somehow makes my life seem more interesting even though mostly what I did in Portland was get drunk and sit on various couches.

Firstly, Portland has the best airport in the world.  You step out of the terminal and the air is the cleanest you've ever smelled.  The weather isn't the "best"--cloudy/rainy--but it is perfect against the scenery.

MAGICAL

This was my favorite thing about being in Portland.  The pine trees, hills and rivers made me feel like I was living in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon...or some less Asian equivalent.  I suppose Twilight is a more apropos comparison because as we know, I really love Twilight and Robert Pattinson.  In general, it was a beautiful backdrop for a very odd and confusing time in my post-college life. 


Here's my non-favorite thing about Portland.  The 'artists' and all the stupid 'art' they do.  For instance.  This instillation at a gallery we passed by on the way to a bar.  The paintings on the walls are celebrities served on dinner platters/in deadly poses while these babies hung from the ceiling. Man, these artists really are good for a laugh!  

WTF

My ex-roommate (but not ex-friend!!!!) Danny took me to a small Asian seafood market to get oysters, and because I love seafood more than anything except Mac and Cheese (had to make that clear) this was maybe the highlight of the trip.

Live Crabs! Grosssss. Kewllll.

Oysters that we shucked ourselves. Are you salivating or vomiting right now??

On the plane ride back I listened to my "Portland" playlist on my Apple Ipod (obligatory Jobs shout-out) to bring back all da memories. Memories about driving to my internship across the Fremont bridge where you can see the whole city and the Willamette River and the valley beyond.  And hiking in the hills and getting caught in the rain when going for a run and having to stand in the church doorway until it let up.

Here's the end of what I wrote on the plane, in case things haven't gotten gay enough for you yet:

I don’t even recognize the scenery I’m flying over yet--California is still new and I’m barely a resident.  Soon this Portland playlist will stop and I'll be at the airport where my roommates are picking me up. I think my favorite thing to do is go over and over memories, sort out their meaning and just stew in the pangs of nostalgia.  But then I remember how excited I’ve felt about being in California and how elated I am when I go to lecture and see the possibilies for my future.  I know the latter should seem like the better feeling, but no matter how good things seem in the present I think I’ll always want to listen to music that makes me think about places and people in my life, feeling sad in a good way, and dreaming up a past that is sort of like the one that happened.

I hope you all are crying.

You could write these people INTO A SCREENPLAY

Screenwriting classes have been a damn dream thus far, HOWEVER there are a few individuals in lecture who I...sort of hate.  Well, really hate. And yet, I am endlessly amused by them! It's like you could write them into a MOVIE! Pretty meta, eh?? 


Not Aziz Ansari
Probably the most noticeable is Not Aziz Ansari, the either half-mexican or half-indian guy who always sits in the middle of the 4th row. Basically, he looks like Aziz. He is a lifetime member of the peanut gallery who makes hilarious side comments like 'oh hell no', 'he didn't go there' and 'he did go there!'  My favorite comment was two weeks ago, when the professor made an allusion to sex--I believe the quote was "I'm not going to make YOU howl".  The whole class chuckled but NAA laughed over everyone, loudly saying "that was classic!" It was extremely awkward, and the class went silent.  Except for me. I was in tears from that comment. The guy is amazing.


(Sidenote: Why are these paragraph breaks so damn big? Dumb blog.)
I made the mistake (or maybe I did it on purpose?) of sitting next to NAA, who immediately stuck his hand in my face and introduced himself to me.  I immediately forgot his name, because his name is Not Aziz Ansari.  I also made the mistake of taking out my pack of gum.  He latched on to the opportunity.


"Hey, wanna be a friend?"


I thought he had said "Are you being a friend?" in response to me putting gum in my own mouth.


"Oh, yeah...you know, Taco Bell.  I don't want to punish the class."


"No.  You wanna be a friend?"  He was asking for a piece. Obviously.  It was my last piece, but how 
could I say no to a comedian?


Things might have gotten better with him were I not also distracted by: 


New York Guy
Who I was also sitting next to.  We all know this guy.  At first I thought he was totes cute!  But disappointment followed.  He commented to a girl in front of us, who was reading "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close" by Jonathan Safran Foer.  
"I thought that book was pretty good." 
Isn't it bad enough you needed to comment on a book someone else is quietly reading? Then you NEED to let everyone else know you read it? And NEED to put your passive aggressive stamp of non-approval on it too?  Christ on a cracker!


But as someone who loves douches and loves confrontation, I wanted to see just how douchey he had the potential to be.


"Why was is only pretty good?"


"I just found it to be insensitive."


"To who?"


"Well, see I'm from NEW YORK.  And the book is about 9/11 and as a person from NEW YORK I felt it was exploitative."  


Ugh.  He was right.  He knew everything. I had nothing to say back.  Except...I did! I knew some things about exploiting 9/11 too!


"Did you see that movie Remember Me? It did sort of the same thing."


"Was that the one with Pierce Brosnan?"


"Yeah, and the Twilight guy."


"Robert Pattinson?  Please, don't act like you don't know his name."


SHUT UP RETARD I FUCKING FORGOT HIS NAME FOR A SECOND.  CLEARLY I LOVE TWILIGHT AND YOU READ JONATHAN SAFRAN FOER AND YOU ARE FROM NEW YORK AND I MUST BE FROM STUPID NON NEW YORK SO WHY AREN'T I SUCKING YOUR DICK RIGHT NOW? WHILE I READ TWILIGHT I MEAN!!


Didn't say that, but should have.  Later in class, our professor said "I didn't want to follow story structure because I thought I was too interesting for story structure...because being from New York, I used to think I was too interesting for anything."  And New York guy?  Laughed and clapped and nodded his head vigorously, so all of us around him would know that He Knows What The Prof is Talkin' Bout!! cause HE'S FROM NEW YORK! THE ONLY PLACE WHERE PEOPLE HAVE CHARACTERISTICS!


Sadly, I feel like my conversations with film guys usually go like that.


Lastly is 


Guy who name drops popular movies


This guy is nowhere as bad as NY guy, and means perfectly well.  He very hilariously brings up popular movie titles as if they were some foreign filmmaker's early career screen test.   He'll be like:
"That reminds me of this film, I don't know if you all have seen it..."American Beauty"...it's 
really quite good."  


or


"You know, I just saw this great movie last week..."Saving Private Ryan"...just incredible."


God Bless you, GWNDPM


Here's hoping I can make some friends, and not just want to stab everyone.
Til next time.

California

Greetings from the Sunshine/Hollywood/Golden/Things growing a lot State!! I forget which one of those is the real one.  After 2 weeks, it's probably about time I post something about this place I've just moved to.

Arriving in California, and I forgot to play a song with "California" in the title. Idiot!

Venice Beach!!! Ya'll ever hear of that one??

After my first night of a mild meltdown, (It takes HOW long to drive on a freeway? You CAN'T just swim in the pacific any time you want?  How much is my rent again?) week one in Los Angeles has mostly consisted of me dropping my jaw every time I walk outside and wanting to kiss the ground everyday because I'LL NEVER BE COLD AGAIN. Look forward to my bitching about all temperatures below 50. It's who I am now guys! Just let me be me. So-Cal Al (tm).

I am essentially living on the UCLA campus which is a very painless way of easing into living here, but also very bizarre. For instance, I'm buying printer cartridges at the campus store, and buying stamps at the student union..?  It doesn't feel right.  It is amusing to watch all the freshman couples in front of their dorms and student organizers yelling at everyone to join different activities, because, they're living it up now, but they're going to be just as fucked as the rest of us when they graduate! Soon they'll know what it is to crumble into tears because you can't get hired at a minimum wage job. I feel like telling every student this every day.  Do you think they would appreciate it??

I am living with 5 girls who are perhaps the nicest girls I've ever met, so you can shove it, everyone who said only Courtney Stodden-types live here! And I thought all stereotypes were true!

Speaking of, everyone who hasn't yet should watch the best song ever. 

Lastly, I am sharing a room again for the first time since studying abroad and it is not at all bad!  Except for my roommate's very unique but terrifying "toast pillow" that scares the shit out of me every night.

I swear I own other clothes besides this shirt.

So Nathalie, if you read this, I love the pillow, I just might turn it around at nights. Sorry for exploiting Toasty on the web. I'll take this down if you want.  

Til' next blog!

Utah, Arizona, Nevada

As you've probably noticed, these posts aren't exactly posted when I wrote them, rather written in the car and posted later.  I know, its a mind blow, but time is an elusive beast (or something? I don't know). Utah, Arizona and Nevada happened very closely together, and I was driving for a lot of it.  And for all you naysayers on my driving skills, I drove "quite well" --my dad.

The scenery in these three states was fureakin' awesome, and hard to describe unless you make the trek yourself.  The Rockies in Colorado are standard beautiful mountains. But the canyons in Utah and Arizona are just bizarre. Especially in Utah; everything is so stark and open, like being on the moon (I know, having been there.) Scenic, but at the same time lonely and scary.

Still in Colorado, just outside of Utah.

Utah: Lunar Surface.

Big Ass Canyon (BAC).  I think it's call the San Rafael Canyons but google isn't helping me out.

We stayed in Cedar City, Utah and I made the worst decision of my life in ordering a salad with shrimp for dinner.  My parents told me DO NOT order shrimp in Utah, order meat, where they kill it fresh every day. But f that, I said.  F that.  So of course the shrimp came out tasting like curdled asshole (I know, having tried that).  And I couldn't even order alcohol to sooth the taste! I guess sometimes we have to learn life's lessons the hard way.

It's pretty hilarious that the state of Mormons and sobriety is right next to Nevada/Vegas. Speaking of Nevada, what a truly terrible place.  Just stretches of hot, boring-ass desert. And then Las Vegas appears out of nowhere.

Las Vegas in the distance. 

UGH REVOLTING. The entire city is made up of hotels. Who thought this was a good idea?

It is still a destination of mine to go to Las Vegas with my friends, but driving through it in the middle of the day with your parents is not the way to see it.  It looked like the worst theme park in the world.  The whole thing is hotels and billboards for strip clubs and bankruptcy lawyers, all roasting under the 101 degree sun.

Fortunately, before horrible Nevada we nipped into Arizona for 20 minutes. Which was much better.

I suspect this is exactly what Mars looks like!

When I was young I had a rubbery yellow bear which was very dirty and crusty and my parents had to throw it away. But  not wanting me to throw a fit, they told me instead that "Squeaky Bear moved to Arizona". And believing it like a chump, I diligently repeated "Skeeky Bear move to Azizona." Maybe he's among these canyons! Good family story, huh?

Canyuns are cool!!!

Just patiently awaiting my future!

Bored after 3 days in the car? Not me!! This is the face of a future Hollywood starlet!

'Lorado

Hey again! Phew, glad I’m over being cranky about mountains that represent fear about the future.  Being cooped up in a car for hours will do weird things to anyone! Today we are driving through Colorado and it is just lovely!  I passed 2 or 3 towns that were probably the inspiration for “Everwood,” and that was exciting, for me.  Although that show was shot in Utah, so maybe I’ll look for possible locations when we hit Utah next.  More about Everwood, you ask? I’ll spare you.

"I moved into a snow globe!" --Treat Williams as Dr. Andy Brown, Everwood

We also drove through Vail, that rich ski resort which surprisingly didn’t look as pretentious or touristy as I thought it would.  It looks like Switzerland. 

Vail ski resort

Maybe someday I’ll have a rich friend who can afford to take me there! Dreams, dreams.  The only bad thing about the mountains is the high altitude which gives me slight nausea.  Of course I took this opportunity to watch “127 Hours” on my computer and nearly vomited when the rock fell on James Franco and I realized I most definitely could not watch any limbs get sawed off.  So instead I watched the preview for “Love & Other Drugs” again, because, Jake Gylly was LOOKIN FOINE in it.  I thought I hated that movie based solely on Bucktooth Hath-agay (Sorry, that is rude and awful but this delete button is stuck) but now I have an overwhelming urge to see it. Is this altitude sickness? I actually laughed at the last scene in the preview. This could be my new Bounty Hunter!!

A few hours later

Nebraska is rolling into Colorado, pretty seamlessly at first.  Very flat, more fields. And then..HOLYGAWD..we start to see mountains in the distance.  

Asshole Mountains

They are supposed to be a “majestic” “symbol” and “gateway” to the “west” but something about them coming closer gives me a hole in my stomach and I begin to feel like they’re very foreboding and we shouldn’t continue too much farther. For centuries they kept settlers from coming west, so maybe there’s something to that. 

Or maybe I’m just cranky because I’ve played my computer over and over and over at Chess and lost every time. When I had Freecell and Solitaire on my old PC, I won like, ALL THE time. But Apple wants to make their users feel like total pieces of shit. Life is very, very hard. And these mountains are putting me in a bad mood. Do not enter. Do not want to enter. 

Welcome to my Blog! It begins in Nebraska.

This is a very special day indeed! After years of being afraid of/disgusted by/put off by blogs, I am finally embarking on one of my own.  I am certainly not above a website that allows me to practice writing, pontificate about myself and entertain a few people with some sweet jokes and stories!

The catalyst to starting this blog is a big (physical AND emotional!) move across the country, from my home in Chicago to Los Angeles, for the purpose of starting my adult life and pursuing some Hollywood/writing/entertainment dreams.  Whew! Feels so good to just come out and say it! This move feels, at this moment, very daunting, so I hope this blog will keep a steady connection to my friends and family, so you all can check in with me if you’re ever curious to what I’m doing, and maybe everyone won't feel so far away!

Something bad that could happen in Los Angeles is that I find out I don’t have, nor do I have the capacity to learn the tools to survive in the competitive film/entertainment industry. But something worse could happen, which is that I could have a measure of success, but completely lose my sense of self while doing it.  That would be infinitely worse than the first thing, so even though I think no city, social circle or person could change this CRAZY GURL, by god, I’ll at least have this blog to catalogue it all.  

Now let’s stop explaining myself and get to this road trip I'm on:

Currently driving through rural Nebraska.  Can I call it the Neb? Nebula of BORING?  That last nickname is based purely off of current highway surroundings (advertisements for the world’s biggest truck stop) and radio reception, which is barely receiving a Vikings game, as there are no professional sports in Nebraska.  However, underneath the Nebula of Boring, is the end of the midwest, and everything I hold dear to me.  Last night we ate at a restaurant in Omaha, which was wonderful for many midwest-based reasons. Everyone at the bar had just come from the Nebraska football game, the appetizer menu was all fried foods and the drinks were SO DAMN CHEAP.  I’m sure it’s just binge-drinking nostalgia, but something about a $5 cocktail made me consider, momentarily, moving to Omaha instead of California. Instead I watched the bar full of happy Nebraska fans, feeling like this is where the Real America lives, 
and I’m leaving it all to go reside in Fake America. 

And that’s all I have to say about that. (--Forrest Gump) 

    Me, literally reaching out for the midwest as it fades away.  Pretty deep, eh??

I leave you, as we drive on peacefully, with just the sounds of tire on road, and The Band’s Across the Great Divide.  

Dad:  "These songs are mediocre."