You could write these people INTO A SCREENPLAY

Screenwriting classes have been a damn dream thus far, HOWEVER there are a few individuals in lecture who I...sort of hate.  Well, really hate. And yet, I am endlessly amused by them! It's like you could write them into a MOVIE! Pretty meta, eh?? 


Not Aziz Ansari
Probably the most noticeable is Not Aziz Ansari, the either half-mexican or half-indian guy who always sits in the middle of the 4th row. Basically, he looks like Aziz. He is a lifetime member of the peanut gallery who makes hilarious side comments like 'oh hell no', 'he didn't go there' and 'he did go there!'  My favorite comment was two weeks ago, when the professor made an allusion to sex--I believe the quote was "I'm not going to make YOU howl".  The whole class chuckled but NAA laughed over everyone, loudly saying "that was classic!" It was extremely awkward, and the class went silent.  Except for me. I was in tears from that comment. The guy is amazing.


(Sidenote: Why are these paragraph breaks so damn big? Dumb blog.)
I made the mistake (or maybe I did it on purpose?) of sitting next to NAA, who immediately stuck his hand in my face and introduced himself to me.  I immediately forgot his name, because his name is Not Aziz Ansari.  I also made the mistake of taking out my pack of gum.  He latched on to the opportunity.


"Hey, wanna be a friend?"


I thought he had said "Are you being a friend?" in response to me putting gum in my own mouth.


"Oh, yeah...you know, Taco Bell.  I don't want to punish the class."


"No.  You wanna be a friend?"  He was asking for a piece. Obviously.  It was my last piece, but how 
could I say no to a comedian?


Things might have gotten better with him were I not also distracted by: 


New York Guy
Who I was also sitting next to.  We all know this guy.  At first I thought he was totes cute!  But disappointment followed.  He commented to a girl in front of us, who was reading "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close" by Jonathan Safran Foer.  
"I thought that book was pretty good." 
Isn't it bad enough you needed to comment on a book someone else is quietly reading? Then you NEED to let everyone else know you read it? And NEED to put your passive aggressive stamp of non-approval on it too?  Christ on a cracker!


But as someone who loves douches and loves confrontation, I wanted to see just how douchey he had the potential to be.


"Why was is only pretty good?"


"I just found it to be insensitive."


"To who?"


"Well, see I'm from NEW YORK.  And the book is about 9/11 and as a person from NEW YORK I felt it was exploitative."  


Ugh.  He was right.  He knew everything. I had nothing to say back.  Except...I did! I knew some things about exploiting 9/11 too!


"Did you see that movie Remember Me? It did sort of the same thing."


"Was that the one with Pierce Brosnan?"


"Yeah, and the Twilight guy."


"Robert Pattinson?  Please, don't act like you don't know his name."


SHUT UP RETARD I FUCKING FORGOT HIS NAME FOR A SECOND.  CLEARLY I LOVE TWILIGHT AND YOU READ JONATHAN SAFRAN FOER AND YOU ARE FROM NEW YORK AND I MUST BE FROM STUPID NON NEW YORK SO WHY AREN'T I SUCKING YOUR DICK RIGHT NOW? WHILE I READ TWILIGHT I MEAN!!


Didn't say that, but should have.  Later in class, our professor said "I didn't want to follow story structure because I thought I was too interesting for story structure...because being from New York, I used to think I was too interesting for anything."  And New York guy?  Laughed and clapped and nodded his head vigorously, so all of us around him would know that He Knows What The Prof is Talkin' Bout!! cause HE'S FROM NEW YORK! THE ONLY PLACE WHERE PEOPLE HAVE CHARACTERISTICS!


Sadly, I feel like my conversations with film guys usually go like that.


Lastly is 


Guy who name drops popular movies


This guy is nowhere as bad as NY guy, and means perfectly well.  He very hilariously brings up popular movie titles as if they were some foreign filmmaker's early career screen test.   He'll be like:
"That reminds me of this film, I don't know if you all have seen it..."American Beauty"...it's 
really quite good."  


or


"You know, I just saw this great movie last week..."Saving Private Ryan"...just incredible."


God Bless you, GWNDPM


Here's hoping I can make some friends, and not just want to stab everyone.
Til next time.