I-90

This bus drive from Chicago to Madison in early May is pure magic. I’ve driven from Illinois to Wisconsin on I-90 hundreds of times in my life, since I was little, but I’m now realizing the drive never feels exactly familiar. I assume its I-90, but how can one differentiate this stretch of road with clumps of trees and farms from any other in this part of Wisconsin? Once in a while, a small river passes by, catching the late afternoon sun, and for a second the river blazes silver. These clouds! Let me tell you. These large, high clouds are so particularly midwest. On the west coast the clouds are low-shrouding blankets. Here, their height gives one an impression of the space between the heartland and the heavens. Of the infinite possibilities. Are you all getting this??

I wonder what California natives would think of all this, if it would seem boring or as beautiful and invigorating as I find it.  So many times I rode this bus in college, and each 3 hour ride seemed to fill my head with all the fire and emotion of whatever I was going through at the time. My first year, after failing an audition, I remember my eyes filling with tears, and whimpering (rejection for 18 years olds is hard!) for the first hour on the bus. Then, slowly, I calmed down, and by the end of the drive, I felt rejuvenated by the green land that sometimes rolled, sometimes stayed flat, mixing evergreens and oaks. The bus continued to speed forward, while a song played on my ipod and reminded me that I could someday “be someone, be someone.”

I haven’t written in this blog in awhile. Clearly, I need long drives and flights to inspire me. I’m always the driver in California, blasting one of my many scratched mixed CDs, while trying to master art of LA traffic (cutting people off). The second three months have been difficult in LA, but even at its roughest points, I never forgot why I moved out there. I remind myself always, always, to never give up. There is always another day to fight, even if I don’t have my friends and family around me. 

Sometimes I don't understand how people grow out of things. The things in my life that I love right now are things that I’ve loved forever. I love baseball and I love Titanic and I love the Great American Anthem “Fast Car”, because it feels like life, and life is struggle, and it's beautiful because it's a struggle.  I love this drive and I love my friends so much that it hurts. Even when they stress me out. The sun is continuing to lower and making the fields and trees glow gold and I feel so rich right now. So goddamned lucky.